I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
