I'm lost and stupid without you.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
