shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
