I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
