dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
