the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
