Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
