My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
