i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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