I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
