You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize