It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
