wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
