NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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