Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
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It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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