Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
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Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
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I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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