i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
