I like to think it a success when the cops are called
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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