I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
