theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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