forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
