I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
