so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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