At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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