and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
