So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
