When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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