4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Soap is not a condiment
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
