i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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