it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
