he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
