Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
