I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize