Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
