Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
