Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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