I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
