idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
as a side note pls kill me
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
