He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
