her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
