I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
