Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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