According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
