when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
