I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
