I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex in a hospital.. check
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize