I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My vagina just clenched in fear
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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