This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
