one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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