i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
