winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
