ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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