not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
