I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
