I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
