accomplished twins. life is a go
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
