My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
